Last night we went to see Eddie Izzard perform at the Orpheum Theatre. He really hasn't changed much since his earlier standup years, though he does look completely different when he isn't in transvestite mode. I think it may have been the first live show of any description I've been to since seeing Iron Maiden in Glasgow about four years ago, which may have contributed to the way that it was oddly difficult to remember that I was actually there and not watching him on television.

He did mention the names "Jeff" and "Steve" several times (and putting up flags), so as far as I was concerned I got my money's worth immediately. Other topics covered included:

• Crap Samaritans


• Why nobody would vote for Jesus if he used his real name


• German-Latin


• Mac updates, and licence agreements that contain "We will shoot your grandmother out of a cannon"


• Spartan sheep


• Having to finish before "The Riches" starts


• The creation of the planet - "How is it?" "Still on fire, Dad."


• Problems with Noah's Ark


• Instructing someone who put a purse onto the stage to "please set fire to it"


• Giraffes communicating via charades


• Life on Mercury


• Bored appendices and why they're like Aliens

And so on. It was as hilarious as you'd expect, though the experience was only slightly marred by the theatre itself - I'm certain that it was originally built by dwarves, as there is literally no spare legroom at all. I am - and there's no way around this - as short as Richard Hammond, and it was uncomfortable for me to sit with my knees squashed up against the head of the woman in front for two hours, so I can't imagine what it would be like for anyone even slightly taller. Thankfully we were on the end of a row, so we had a bit more stretching room, but even so, if you go to this place you're guaranteed never to complain about another economy flight ever again.